Waiting. I don’t like it. I have never really been a patient person. Creative? Yes. Ingenuity? I’ve got that. Patience? Not so much. I am a do-er. The quickest way to get something done is to tell me that it can’t be done or that it will take forever. So waiting on a baby in a situation that is utterly beyond my control is nerve wracking (wrecking? either is applicable).
I find myself going back to God multiple times a day and giving this whole adoption thing back to him. “Sorry, God, I know I said I trusted you to take care of this and gave it over to you, but I forgot and took it back again. Here it is again. I know you will take care of it. I trust in your plan which is bigger and better than anything I could think of.” Repeat. My mom says I have “control issues.” I guess she may be right, don’t tell her though. At least I am praying.
It this state of __________ (insert word for: excitement, anxiety, upheaval, tension, and impatience) I find myself making lists. List of items baby needs. List of items I say baby needs but really I want. List of items we already have and no longer need/want. List of items we don’t have. List of people/organizations that I have talked with or need to talk to who might connect us to a birth mother. List of topics to research further. Look at that. I just made a list of lists.
Waiting is hard. But I do find this time very exciting and full of hope. Like something really big is about to happen. I really appreciate all of the prayers and thoughts from all of our friends and family.