It's Not You, It's Us

It's hard to believe, but we have been trying to have a baby since March 2009 -- which means we are fast approaching the 3 year mark. It started with a very quick pregnancy after going off the pill and that pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage.

Since then we've tried two different medical fertility treatments (clomid and IUI) and continue on our own. We have changed our diet, we've changed our sleep habits, and we're taking daily vitamins. Kelly is doing weekly acupuncture for stress relief and to improve fertility. Scott has cut back on coffee and long, hot baths. We have made these life changes to try to help our efforts in a more natural way. We are also pursuing adoption. We want to grow our family and we are not particular whether that is with a biological child or with an adopted child. This is not about a pregnancy; this is about growing our family. We have love to give and a yearning in our hearts to hold our little child.

The processes of infertility and adoption both bring with them a roller coaster of feelings that change on a weekly basis. We range from the despair of another menstrual cycle to the hope of an ovulation through the tedium of the two week wait and back again to the disappointment that is a new menstrual cycle. A month is a very long time when it is punctuated by a period.

On top of this, we are finding it emotionally overwhelming to be surrounded by our acquaintances, co-workers, and even our friends who are consumed with being new parents. We don't begrudge them, this is exactly where they (as new parents) should be -- but it's not where we are.

We are trying to not think about our empty arms. We are trying to focus on our work and artistic endeavors. We are trying, as so many people have recommended, to "stop thinking about it." We try to be the supportive and caring friends that we want to be. But it's hard. It's hard to ignore what we don't have and what, it seems, everyone else around us has. It's hard to hear the complaints of no sleep and crying babies, when we pray each and every day for the joy and trials that come with a baby. It's hard to not really have a part in the conversations around us because we just don't understand what these new parents are going through.

How can we? We are not where they are.

We don't want to burden anyone with our sadness. Because, ultimately, we are not sad until we think about it. We are very blessed and praise God for that. We try to focus on all the good in our lives. We don't want to make anyone censor themselves and we don't want people to walk on egg shells around us. We try to step outside our own vulnerability and acknowledge that maybe people don't know what to say. We try to forgive people for saying or doing things that we perceive as inconsiderate because we know they don't mean it that way. They don't understand.

How could they? They are not where we are.

So we find that are we are distancing ourselves from certain social situations. We've given ourselves permission to go on as many date nights as we want (and can afford). We've given ourselves permission to skip the baby showers of all but our closest friends. We've given ourselves permission to be lazy on Sabbath and just spend time together.

It's all we can do to stay sane in these trying times. We only have so much emotional fortitude. So if you're someone who's in our personal life, sorry if we seem distant. It's not you, it's us.

-S&K

Profile Letter, part 7: Our Promise To You

Part 7: Our Promise To You

This little one will be brought up in a warm and nurturing home. They will be cuddled and loved and cherished and cuddled some more. They will have friends to play with; aunts, uncles and cousins to inspire them; and grandparents who will spoil them rotten.

We will do everything to see to it that this little one has everything they need. We can’t guarantee that she will have everything she wants, but she will have everything she needs. No sacrifice is too great if it ensures the best we can provide for our baby.

We promise to read to him.

We promise to take her on walks.

We promise a bedtime story every single night.

We promise to teach him how to ride a bike.

We promise to answer all her questions -- if we don't know the answers,

we'll look them up and learn with her.

We promise the best education we can find.

We promise softball, piano lessons, football, basketball, dance class

or whatever else he might be interested in.

We promise patience and kindness.

We promise unlimited, unconditional love.

We might not know who you are, but know we are already praying for you. We can't pretend to know what you're going through, but we want to thank you for carrying this baby and doing the best you can for it.

We really can't thank you enough for sharing this child with us. You're making our dreams come true and we'll do everything we can to make this little one's dreams come true, too.

Thank you for considering us.

- Scott & Kelly

Profile Letter, part 6: Our Friends

Part 6: Our Friends

Our wonderful friends are a huge part of our lives. We are part of a group of eight couples who get together most Friday nights for food and fellowship. Many weekends are spent playing games or camping with this big group. There are currently three couples who will soon be parents; all within three months of each other! Some of these friends are new, but some have been close since high school. It is a wonderful group that supports and prays for each other.

And tomorrow: Our Promise To You

Profile Letter, part 5: Our Family

Part 5: Our Family

We are lucky to live close to a large portion of our family. Both sets of our parents live in Chattanooga and are actually only about two miles away from each other.

Kelly’s mom (Carol) and stepfather (Jim) have been married for 15 years. Carol, who wants to be called Mimi, is a stay-at-home mom and can’t wait to cuddle her first grandbaby. Grandpa Jim works in a hospital and tries to spend as much time as he can snowboarding. Kelly’s stepsister (Heather) now lives in Jackson, Tennessee, after spending three years working as teacher in Taiwan.

Kelly has a large network of aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby. Each summer, fall, and Christmas they get together in the north Georgia mountains for a big pitch-in meal. It's always a boisterous event with lots of food and laughter.

Scott has a large extended family as well, but they're scattered all across the the US. Scott’s parents (Tom and Lauree) have been married for 33 years. Tom is the principal of a small elementary school and Lauree works at a nearby university. Their house is a cozy one surrounded by a big yard with lots of flowers and charming little nooks -- perfect for hiding away in and reading a good book. There is a big swing in the backyard ready for the first grandchild to swing on.

Scott is the oldest and his younger brother (Marshall) is 20. Marshall is in school right now taking psychology. Scott and Marshall like to play video games and go to movies together.

And tomorrow: Our Friends

Profile Letter, part 4: Our Home

Part 4: Our Home

We moved into our house in 2007. It is a one-story, yellow house that sits in a quiet neighborhood. We are situated about 15 minutes from downtown and about 15 minutes from the country. Our house has three bedrooms; one is Scott's office and one is waiting for our baby. We already have a small library of children’s books waiting.

Our friends call our house "the ark" because of all of our animals. Somehow we have collected a group of animals that loves to cuddle. It's not uncommon to find all six of us on the couch watching a TV show. Our cats are Desmond and Scarlett and our dogs are Gwen and Mister Tumnus.

And tomorrow: Our Family

Profile Letter, part 3: Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama

Part 3: "Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama," by Scott

Kelly is the most amazing person I've ever met – I know I’m supposed to say that, I’m her husband. But I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. And before I tell you what kind of mama she’s going to be, I need you to understand what kind of woman Kelly is.

She has somehow figured out how to be ever-optimistic and ever-hopeful while remaining completely realistic. I honestly don’t know how she does it. She’s down to earth and heaven-

minded. Most people I know live in one extreme or the other.

Most people say “moderation in all things.” Kelly lives it – which

is why it was no surprise to me that Kelly was such a fantastic camp counselor.

For an entire summer, she was responsible for fourteen girls. Every week it was a new group, and every week, the group was a little older. But it didn’t matter if her campers were six years old or 16 years old. She corralled them. She taught them. She laughed with them, and when the boys were mean to them, Kelly cried with them. When they misbehaved or broke the rules, Kelly saw to it that the punishment fit the crime. Kelly’s campers never considered her strict, but they knew where she stood. They knew that she wouldn’t let them get away with things, but they also knew she was willing to have a lot of fun with them.

Kelly loves teaching. She’s not a teacher, but she loves to see that sparkle in a child’s eye when they've just discovered something new. She loves explaining things to them, especially if it means having to find a creative way to explain it. And as all my favorite teachers were, Kelly is patient. She wants to help children learn but also wants them to learn it for themselves. So she’ll patiently guide them, holding their hand, but letting them discover what new lesson life has for them.

Kelly’s a hard worker. I’ve never seen someone more determined to get something done and to get it done right. She always has a project she’s working on. When she volunteers to do something, she’s often the first person there and the last one to leave. I don’t think she knows how to cut corners. When it comes time to raise a child, she is going to do whatever it takes to give that child everything he or she needs – whatever that might be.

I could write a book about Kelly, but all I really want you to know is that Kelly has been the best part of my life for the past 10 years, and when I imagine what the best mother in the world looks like, I see her.

And tomorrow: Our Home

Profile Letter, part 2: Why Scott will be a Great Papa

Part 2: "Why Scott Will Be A Great Papa," by Kelly

The first time I ever saw Scott, it was across the cafeteria, and it was love at first sight.

He was standing in a group of friends talking and laughing. It was his laugh that was so attractive, even from across the room. When I think of Scott the first thing that comes to mind is laughter. He gets these crinkles around his eyes when he laughs that light up his blue eyes. He loves to make jokes and tease people to make them laugh. He is ultimately a flirt, but he doesn’t know it. He just relishes bringing a smile to someone’s day.

Scott has never-ending creativity. Every day, and I mean every day, he comes to me saying, “I had an idea today.” Scott writes something every day. Sometimes it is a blog and sometimes it is a movie. The days he is most excited about are the days he can shoot a film.

Scott is a strong man. He knows when to stand up for his beliefs or defend his family. He has the capacity to see both sides of an issue and is willing to call someone out when they need it. Scott is also a sensitive man. As we have dreamed of growing our family, I have seen a strength and depth of emotion that has touched my heart. Scott is a man who wants a family and who will live his life to ensure his children are nurtured.

Scott will be a wonderful father because he is such a kindhearted man, because he makes life so fun, and because he is such a genuine person. Scott is the same dorky, funny guy no matter where you meet him. He might not be a morning person, but if he gets any chance to make a pun, (even if it is 7 A.M.) he will take it! I love Scott for the energy and joy that he brings to our lives. He also brings a steady peace to our home. He keeps me grounded and makes me laugh, every day. He reminds me when to thank God for the blessings we have and celebrate life.

And tomorrow: "Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama," by Scott

Profile Letter, part 1: Dear Birth Mother

We wanted our letter to the birth mother to impress her on all levels. Not only did we want the contents of the letter to accurately reflect who we are and what kinds of parents we would be, but we wanted the presentation of the letter to reflect our high standards and be an expression of our artistic creativity. So we decided to put together a book. Using Blurb's BookSmart builder, we put together a 20-page book for our attorney to give the birth mother.

It's a seven "part" book, and over the course of the next seven days, we'll share a part a day.

Part 1: Dear Birth Mother

A family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit. -Marge Kennedy

Dear Birth Mother,

Our names are Scott and Kelly.

First of all, thank you for considering us to be your baby’s Papa and Mama. Of all the things we are, the one thing we want most is to be parents. We have been unable to get pregnant and look

forward to the time when we will have a little one in our arms. We believe that the home and family we have been blessed with would be a great place to raise a family.

We have given it careful consideration and know that fertility treatments are not for us; not when we can open our home to a child who needs us. Adoption is something that we have always known we would do. We are excited and just a bit scared as we walk this path. Thank you for going on this journey with us and for being an answer to our prayers.

We look forward to cuddling with our baby and watching him or her grow. We can’t wait to help her learn about the world. We are excited to teach him how to read and ride a bike and take a picture.

We are creative, artistic people. Scott is a writer who works as the Video Game Director at a local store, but his real passion is writing and movie making. Kelly works at an insurance company but has created a second job for herself as a wedding and portrait photographer. Photography started as a hobby, but has transformed into a small business. Many nights and weekends are spent working on small craft projects or rehearsing for Scott's next short film.

We first met working at Christian youth summer camp in Georgia. We started dating that summer and have been together ever since. We were married in December 2005. Considering the time we dated and the 5 years we have been married, we have been together nearly 10 years now.

As Christians we strive to live a life of acceptance, tolerance and love. We do our best to live balanced lives according to Biblical teachings. We love to debate politics, religion, economics and philosophies with each other. We seek out creative art and media that speaks to the truth of human life. We like to travel and meet new people and try new foods.

Our home is warm and welcoming. We have two cats and two dogs who provide a never-ending parade of laughter.

Each Friday night we gather with friends for food and fellowship. On Saturdays we go to church and spend the rest of the day resting and relaxing with family. We both work full-time during the week and still find lots of time to spend with our family and friends.

And tomorrow: "Why Scott will be a Great Papa," by Kelly