Profile Letter, part 5: Our Family

Part 5: Our Family

We are lucky to live close to a large portion of our family. Both sets of our parents live in Chattanooga and are actually only about two miles away from each other.

Kelly’s mom (Carol) and stepfather (Jim) have been married for 15 years. Carol, who wants to be called Mimi, is a stay-at-home mom and can’t wait to cuddle her first grandbaby. Grandpa Jim works in a hospital and tries to spend as much time as he can snowboarding. Kelly’s stepsister (Heather) now lives in Jackson, Tennessee, after spending three years working as teacher in Taiwan.

Kelly has a large network of aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby. Each summer, fall, and Christmas they get together in the north Georgia mountains for a big pitch-in meal. It's always a boisterous event with lots of food and laughter.

Scott has a large extended family as well, but they're scattered all across the the US. Scott’s parents (Tom and Lauree) have been married for 33 years. Tom is the principal of a small elementary school and Lauree works at a nearby university. Their house is a cozy one surrounded by a big yard with lots of flowers and charming little nooks -- perfect for hiding away in and reading a good book. There is a big swing in the backyard ready for the first grandchild to swing on.

Scott is the oldest and his younger brother (Marshall) is 20. Marshall is in school right now taking psychology. Scott and Marshall like to play video games and go to movies together.

And tomorrow: Our Friends

BOOK REPORT: Two Little Girls

Just finished reading Theresa Reid’s Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption. I’ve read this in a matter of 2 days, partly because I spent a day in an airplane traveling across our country and partly because it was so good.

Reid tells the story of her and her husband’s journey to adopt two little girls, one from Russia and one from Ukraine. The first adoption goes without a hitch and the Reids adopt a lovely girl who was “the princess of the orphanage” in Russia. In their quest to adopt a sister for little Natalie they go through horrible false-starts and spend a ridiculous amount of money. They change agencies halfway through the process, then change back and then change again. They have to cancel their trip and their commitment to a girl in Kazakhstan right after September 11, 2001 makes it unsafe for them to get to her. They finally, many years later, and after weeks spent in Ukraine, bring home, not the girl they traveled to retrieve, but an entirely different little girl with questionable medical problems.

Reid’s tale ends well with a happy, well adjusting family. But along the way you see the trauma and vulnerability her family suffers. This is not a story for the faint of heart. There is a lot of pain, doubt, and tough decisions that are made. There is an emotional depth to this book that comes only from living through the journey.

Reid is an excellent writer who is able to capture both the excitement and fear of the adoption journey. She unabashedly exposes her egocentric fears and insecurities. Which we all have, but rarely deign to admit. She addresses the dissonance involved in specifying what kind of child you want and can parent while wanting to do good for “the needy children in the world.” She shows families who are willing to overcome all odds to grow their family, and she shows families who make the heart wrenching decision to walk away from a child they have committed to. I’m not sure how many families have the resources or funds to go through such an exhaustive search for their child. She not only details her own experience in the tone of a dramatic saga, but integrates her personal research. She confronts our societal biases towards adoption and families created by adoption. You can tell she is a very well educated woman, and her candidness is refreshing in a genre of books that can sometimes be a little touchy-feely or a little too superficial to provide comfort through a difficult journey.

She includes a lengthy and annotated “Adoption Resources” section at the back of the book which looks to be a trove of thoughtful and intelligent books and organizations.

I would recommend this book to someone already committed and determined to adopt, no matter what the odds. It might scare you off if you were not convinced of the way ahead. It makes me glad that we have decided to do a domestic adoption rather than search the world over for our baby. While I’m sure domestic adoption has the same potential for agony, at least I will be able to go through it with my support system a phone call away and with the conveniences of the American hospitality industry at my disposal.

-K

Profile Letter, part 4: Our Home

Part 4: Our Home

We moved into our house in 2007. It is a one-story, yellow house that sits in a quiet neighborhood. We are situated about 15 minutes from downtown and about 15 minutes from the country. Our house has three bedrooms; one is Scott's office and one is waiting for our baby. We already have a small library of children’s books waiting.

Our friends call our house "the ark" because of all of our animals. Somehow we have collected a group of animals that loves to cuddle. It's not uncommon to find all six of us on the couch watching a TV show. Our cats are Desmond and Scarlett and our dogs are Gwen and Mister Tumnus.

And tomorrow: Our Family

Profile Letter, part 3: Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama

Part 3: "Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama," by Scott

Kelly is the most amazing person I've ever met – I know I’m supposed to say that, I’m her husband. But I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. And before I tell you what kind of mama she’s going to be, I need you to understand what kind of woman Kelly is.

She has somehow figured out how to be ever-optimistic and ever-hopeful while remaining completely realistic. I honestly don’t know how she does it. She’s down to earth and heaven-

minded. Most people I know live in one extreme or the other.

Most people say “moderation in all things.” Kelly lives it – which

is why it was no surprise to me that Kelly was such a fantastic camp counselor.

For an entire summer, she was responsible for fourteen girls. Every week it was a new group, and every week, the group was a little older. But it didn’t matter if her campers were six years old or 16 years old. She corralled them. She taught them. She laughed with them, and when the boys were mean to them, Kelly cried with them. When they misbehaved or broke the rules, Kelly saw to it that the punishment fit the crime. Kelly’s campers never considered her strict, but they knew where she stood. They knew that she wouldn’t let them get away with things, but they also knew she was willing to have a lot of fun with them.

Kelly loves teaching. She’s not a teacher, but she loves to see that sparkle in a child’s eye when they've just discovered something new. She loves explaining things to them, especially if it means having to find a creative way to explain it. And as all my favorite teachers were, Kelly is patient. She wants to help children learn but also wants them to learn it for themselves. So she’ll patiently guide them, holding their hand, but letting them discover what new lesson life has for them.

Kelly’s a hard worker. I’ve never seen someone more determined to get something done and to get it done right. She always has a project she’s working on. When she volunteers to do something, she’s often the first person there and the last one to leave. I don’t think she knows how to cut corners. When it comes time to raise a child, she is going to do whatever it takes to give that child everything he or she needs – whatever that might be.

I could write a book about Kelly, but all I really want you to know is that Kelly has been the best part of my life for the past 10 years, and when I imagine what the best mother in the world looks like, I see her.

And tomorrow: Our Home

Profile Letter, part 2: Why Scott will be a Great Papa

Part 2: "Why Scott Will Be A Great Papa," by Kelly

The first time I ever saw Scott, it was across the cafeteria, and it was love at first sight.

He was standing in a group of friends talking and laughing. It was his laugh that was so attractive, even from across the room. When I think of Scott the first thing that comes to mind is laughter. He gets these crinkles around his eyes when he laughs that light up his blue eyes. He loves to make jokes and tease people to make them laugh. He is ultimately a flirt, but he doesn’t know it. He just relishes bringing a smile to someone’s day.

Scott has never-ending creativity. Every day, and I mean every day, he comes to me saying, “I had an idea today.” Scott writes something every day. Sometimes it is a blog and sometimes it is a movie. The days he is most excited about are the days he can shoot a film.

Scott is a strong man. He knows when to stand up for his beliefs or defend his family. He has the capacity to see both sides of an issue and is willing to call someone out when they need it. Scott is also a sensitive man. As we have dreamed of growing our family, I have seen a strength and depth of emotion that has touched my heart. Scott is a man who wants a family and who will live his life to ensure his children are nurtured.

Scott will be a wonderful father because he is such a kindhearted man, because he makes life so fun, and because he is such a genuine person. Scott is the same dorky, funny guy no matter where you meet him. He might not be a morning person, but if he gets any chance to make a pun, (even if it is 7 A.M.) he will take it! I love Scott for the energy and joy that he brings to our lives. He also brings a steady peace to our home. He keeps me grounded and makes me laugh, every day. He reminds me when to thank God for the blessings we have and celebrate life.

And tomorrow: "Why Kelly Will Be A Great Mama," by Scott

Profile Letter, part 1: Dear Birth Mother

We wanted our letter to the birth mother to impress her on all levels. Not only did we want the contents of the letter to accurately reflect who we are and what kinds of parents we would be, but we wanted the presentation of the letter to reflect our high standards and be an expression of our artistic creativity. So we decided to put together a book. Using Blurb's BookSmart builder, we put together a 20-page book for our attorney to give the birth mother.

It's a seven "part" book, and over the course of the next seven days, we'll share a part a day.

Part 1: Dear Birth Mother

A family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit. -Marge Kennedy

Dear Birth Mother,

Our names are Scott and Kelly.

First of all, thank you for considering us to be your baby’s Papa and Mama. Of all the things we are, the one thing we want most is to be parents. We have been unable to get pregnant and look

forward to the time when we will have a little one in our arms. We believe that the home and family we have been blessed with would be a great place to raise a family.

We have given it careful consideration and know that fertility treatments are not for us; not when we can open our home to a child who needs us. Adoption is something that we have always known we would do. We are excited and just a bit scared as we walk this path. Thank you for going on this journey with us and for being an answer to our prayers.

We look forward to cuddling with our baby and watching him or her grow. We can’t wait to help her learn about the world. We are excited to teach him how to read and ride a bike and take a picture.

We are creative, artistic people. Scott is a writer who works as the Video Game Director at a local store, but his real passion is writing and movie making. Kelly works at an insurance company but has created a second job for herself as a wedding and portrait photographer. Photography started as a hobby, but has transformed into a small business. Many nights and weekends are spent working on small craft projects or rehearsing for Scott's next short film.

We first met working at Christian youth summer camp in Georgia. We started dating that summer and have been together ever since. We were married in December 2005. Considering the time we dated and the 5 years we have been married, we have been together nearly 10 years now.

As Christians we strive to live a life of acceptance, tolerance and love. We do our best to live balanced lives according to Biblical teachings. We love to debate politics, religion, economics and philosophies with each other. We seek out creative art and media that speaks to the truth of human life. We like to travel and meet new people and try new foods.

Our home is warm and welcoming. We have two cats and two dogs who provide a never-ending parade of laughter.

Each Friday night we gather with friends for food and fellowship. On Saturdays we go to church and spend the rest of the day resting and relaxing with family. We both work full-time during the week and still find lots of time to spend with our family and friends.

And tomorrow: "Why Scott will be a Great Papa," by Kelly

BOOK REPORT: Successful Adoption

I had the last two days off work due to a gout flare up (something I'm thankful to not be passing on) and took hours of immobility as an opportunity to do some reading. While I have a stack of graphic novels calling my name, I was a little surprised to find myself reaching over that stack for Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families, by Natalie Nichols Gillespie.

If I were to review the book in one sentence, I would say, "this is a great book for any Christian who is considering adoption." But I am not a man of few words.

The book strives to serve many purposes and chief amongst them convincing the reader that "yes, you can do this!" The early chapters dispel myths and rumors, and help the reader believe that adoption really can be for anybody with an open heart. While I appreciate the sentiment, it was the early chapters I found myself skimming through the most.

Kelly and I have already had the conversations detailed in the first two chapters of this book. When I sat down to read this, we were already in the proofreading stages of our letter to the prospective birth mother. We've already decided that we want to go with a domestic adoption. We've already spoken to an attorney. We've already started putting money aside for a home study. So the first two chapters (collected into Part 1 of the book) never felt like there were talking to me. They were talking to someone else, who was still on the fence on whether or not they wanted to adopt.

Part 2 of the book (there are six parts, total) became more interesting, but it wasn't until Part 3/Chapter 7 that I really started to receive answers to the questions I had -- or, as it was also, I was given the questions I should have. But even then, I found myself skimming sections of the book that were clearly not intended for me, which leads me to my biggest gripe about the book.

While there are large portions devoted to domestic adoption, the author seems to believe the reader was going to be involved in an international adoption. Far more time was spent addressing concerns and issues an adoptive family will run into adopting a child from another country than than concerns a family might have adopting locally.

For example: I'm not worried about learning my child's birth language, as I'm assuming we'll be adopting from somewhere in Tennessee or Georgia (and we generally speak the same language). I am, however, concerned about living within driving distance of the birth parents. What if we run into them? Or what if, by some strange occurrence, we go to the same church?

So that was a little off-putting, as were typos. I didn't notice any in the early chapters, but as the book went on, I found more and more typos. Sometimes words were missing from sentences, sometimes sentences had extra words and once I even found the wrong "here" being used.

But those nit-picks and gripes aside, it's a good book. I appreciated the author's concern and challenge to not only prepare your home and your bank account, but prepare your heart. Every chapter ends with a checklist of questions you're going to want to address and a testimony from someone who has adopted or has been adopted. It was written to be read beforehand (so you'll know what potholes are in the road before you), so now that I've read it, I don't feel particularly compelled to keep it on hand. It's not really a go-to book.

Overall, I'm glad I read it. It gave me some things to think about and consider. I would recommend it to anyone who's ever considered adoption but isn't actively pursuing it.

-S