That I Would be Good

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good

-Alanis Morissette

I had a realization the other day (read: a couple months ago) when I was driving home. I am tired of feeling the way I have. I am tired of being in this place where there is something I want and desire, but where I have no way to affect my ability to get it. Tired of being sad about being out of control of the situation. I am just done with it.

If I can’t change the situation, I am at least ready to start accepting it.

That I would be good even if we don’t have a baby.

That I would be good even if I can’t have a baby.

That I would be confident even if I am not the person I thought I was or want to be.

2012 is already a brighter year.

-K